By: Virginia Young
As I flew home from yet another fencing competition, I mused over a conversation I had with a group of parents as we sat around waiting for pools to begin. We were reminiscing about how simple life used to be when our children were younger. Now that the kids are older, we’re all worrying about high school curriculums and college applications, not to mention driver’s licenses and first dates.
When we spoke about middle school, we agreed that that was the time things started to change. Changes in our kids’ hormones, attitudes, and body odor called for a shift in our parenting as well. We began to talk about what advice we would give to our younger parent-selves. These are the things we wish we would have known:
1. Listen to your child: he knows what he wants. It’s important to take your own dreams and desires out of the picture when making decisions that impact a pre-teen/teen. By this age, he is ready and usually willing to take on the responsibility of choosing his school and extracurricular activities. In this manner, he will be more likely to own the decision, embrace the experience, and make the most of his time because he was part of the process.
2. Let him have fun trying new things. In high school, your child will likely devote a considerable amount of time to academic demands. So it makes sense that the middle school years are the perfect time for your child to explore different things and perhaps find something that he will want to focus on in high school. The summer season is especially attractive since it offers a juicy block of time to devote to this endeavor. Be sure to engage your child in a joint effort to find programs that interest him (see Tip #1 above).
3. Consider the opportunity costs. Fencing, basketball, robotics class, karate. Your child may like them all, but there are only 24 hours in a day. When choosing activities, ask your child to weigh the opportunity costs of certain activities. For example, fencing requires a considerable amount of time and money which leaves fewer resources for other activities. If robotics and karate are more fun for your child, it may be worthwhile NOT to choose fencing.
4. Make academics a priority. Unless your child ranks high nationally/internationally in a particular sport or another area of interest, he’s going to need strong academics to support his college applications. Middle school is a great time to master time management skills and establish good study habits, so that he can hit the ground running when he must step up to the challenge of a rigorous high school schedule.
5. Let him fail: it’s good for him. As parents, our instinct is to dive forth and save our baby from anything that might hurt him. Even after we’ve realized a skinned knee or even a broken arm isn’t going to leave too much of a scar, we still catch ourselves “saving” him. Next time he runs into a snag, let him deal with the consequences of his actions - whether this involves toughing it out in a class he chose but doesn’t like or asking for a last-minute ride to a friend’s house as you rush out the door to your own appointment. He’ll gain important life lessons and skills which will be essential for survival when he moves on to college and beyond.
6. Maintain an open dialogue. Make the most of the middle school years by asking your child what he likes and doesn’t like about his activities and coursework. Find more resources, classes and other enrichment courses in areas that pique his interest, or work with him to find programs that are more aligned with what he enjoys to do most.
7. Find balance. All work and no play make for an overworked child. Always make time to do things for no other reason but to have FUN! Too many parents are guilty of over scheduling kids, and this inevitably leads to burnout and an inability/unwillingness to be productive in school or anything else for that matter.
Middle school is a great time for your child to explore, with the sole purpose of discovering what the world has to offer. It’s also a fun time to be a parent: I remember enjoying hearing my kids share stories of new skills they acquired, friends they made, and what made them happy along the way. I also heard plenty of complaints about what activities and which instructors they thought were boring. No matter what the outcome, I got to know each of my children better and was able to help them continue to pursue interests and/or cross off activities never to do again.
Great stuff...enjoy the journey!
If you are interested in speaking with one of our Advisors about helping your child with academic and extracurricular/summer planning during the middle school years, you can schedule an introductory free consultation here.
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For additional information and insights, check out our blog:
Guide to Gifted and Talented Programs and Are They Worth It?
Does My Child Need a Tutor? 6 Signs It May Be Time for Academic Help
Definitive Guide to Writing Help
How to Help Your Teens Manage Their Time
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